What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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