i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
