woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
