there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
