I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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