I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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