Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize