oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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