Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My Sexting was not on an AP level
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
