Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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