you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
