k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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