Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
