Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
