nut hugger
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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