i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
