dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
