I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
