I want to walk on stilts...naked
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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