Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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