I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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