I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
