Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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