i came on her dog
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
