Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
