I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
