its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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