my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
