Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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