Swine flu. Run for my life!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
