dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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