dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
