Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
