I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize