Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
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