Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
