p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
These tits shall not be calmed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
