is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
