Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
