next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
