I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
