Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
