So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
