Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she pinky promised me she was 18
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
