I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My feet surprised me
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