I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
