So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
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last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize