What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
