the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
