At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
