Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
