Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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