Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
