I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
