I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
