I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
