He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Never joke about your clitoris.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
