It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
