Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
