Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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